Father Kinda Knows Best

IMG_0581Over the weekend my daughter and I had a father / daughter chat about want… She mentioned several times about wanting new things to replace some of the things she had but did not “like” any longer.   My coaching to her was to learn to be happy with the things she had and to not be so focused on wanting all the things she doesn’t have.   My advice was that she would never be happy if she didn’t appreciate the things she had vs the things she didn’t.

happyHere is the irony to my advice… Over the past two years I have wanted a tri-specific bike… My current bike is an aero style road bike Cervelo S5 …which is the closest Cervelo S5road bike frame geometry to a tri-bike.   In short the bike I have fits both my needs training for and racing in triathlons…. Could it be faster…ya maybe.. but the races I choose most often are hilly and a road bike tends to be more of an advantage in those type terrains.


So do I need a Tri-Bike? No… Do I want a Tri-Bike yes!   But for the life of me other than to assimilate with the rest of the triathletes I’m not exactly sure why… I suspect it could make me faster… It would be cool… but the clip on bars I have on the Cervelo w1105_007780ork just fine for those long stretches on the flatter areas… I know how it feels to want but what I struggle with is the question I have in my mind…”Will it make me happy?”    Maybe I should take my own advice on this one and be true to Lucille…(Name of my Cervelo)… She has been good to me… Maybe it is time to listen to my own advice…and be happy with what I have to do what I want.  Growing up, whenever I would run down that endless list of things I wanted my Mom would often respond by asking…”How does it feel to want?”   I know that feeling well, what I really want more than all those things is which of those things will make me happy…. I think the honest answer is being happy with what what I have already…it works for me.




7 thoughts on “Father Kinda Knows Best

  1. Be happy. Don’t worry! Keep the bike. Does it really matter that you could go a little faster. Be happy you are out there doing something you are enjoying. Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID

    “The Dink Toed, Bow Legged Triathlete” wrote:

    fergysun posted: “Over the weekend my daughter and I had a father / daughter chat about want… She mentioned several times about wanting new things to replace some of the things she had but did not “like” any longer. My coaching to her was to learn to be happy with the th”


  2. Wow! That was a truly amazing response… It’s as it you walked into my head turned around my thought process and launched it from the sideline and back into the game This has been a three or more year internal dialogue that I have not been able to reconcile …in one response blast… you totally nailed my issue, provide clear and reasoned logic to them and help me see why it has continued to haunt me. I struggle with investing in myself… you helped me see that.. when I do it reshapes how I embrace and enjoy each day. So in the final analysis… you have answered the question… “How does it feel to want?” My answer to that question is; Want fuels my spirit, and my spirit drives my desire to be happy, being happy is the result of satisfying my want. Thank you for the way you live your life….it takes courage to continually open the Kimono …. but in doing so, you help to reveal the human side of us all… Don

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. I am continually flooded with gratitude that our lives have crossed paths and that we have found each other and call one another friends. You help me keep th light on, Don. I’m celebrating you today. It’s a big day for me so stay tuned and please keep me posted on your journey with wanting. XO


  3. Jess….I’m laughing at us both….yes we are adults….but, with adolescence meandering minds.. I have to admit that, I too think about this a lot… maybe too much.. I spent a few hours yesterday looking for pricing and features on a Cervelo p3 w/Di2…I also would need a power meter, pedals, etc…etc… I too put a lot of time and energy into training and racing… and I’d use the hell out of it… My fear is …loosing focus on the primary objective…the journey, the people, the experience….and getting sidetracked by wanting the shinny new object… This is where I need your help… Sometimes saying F-it and leaping from the cliff does not make sense but the rush of speed, fear and the plunge is more fun than taking the safe sane route…. Be my guide.. help me understand how our choice is the right one… write an answer to the question… “How does it feel to want”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m just finding this reply now. I think I need to click a button so I know when you reply to my responses. I’m such a rookie with this blogging thing. 😉

      Okay here goes — “How does it feel to want?”

      Since I’m a stickler for continually reexamining this notion of self-care — wanting or how it feels to want — comes into that context for me. It’s not like I want an ice cream. Or new jeans. Or a shiny new car. I may want all of these things. But it’s different. A bike that celebrates my work and dedication to myself feels like a different sort of wanting. It feels like celebrating my journey and my commitment to myself.

      Initially when I started triathlons I was the worst cyclist ever. NO joke! I would occasionally mountain bike with Rob (like once a year) on a bike that was far too big and too uncomfortable. Or we’d go on a beach vacation and rent a bike and I’d whine and I’d cry. Cycling was uncomfortable and it made me nuts because I didn’t understand how to push myself like Rob did. Unlike running, you can still move forward on a bike with very little effort, so riding well was outside of my understanding. I didn’t know how to really ride.

      When I started triathlons (before Rob started them) I got a road bike because that’s what the guy at the shop told me — a novice rider — to get and Rob agreed. It was too big for me. Too uncomfortable and not quite right. I hated that bike. I did an ironman on that bike without a coach and how I pulled it off is beyond me. Then I called Jeff. Jeff directed me to Fitwerx and Dean fit me for my Guru. I got a power meter (I didn’t tell Rob) and I had to earn my race wheels by convincing my husband they were worth it. When I got on that tri bike and road next to Rob on his road bike (albeit before he started training with Jeff) I blew him away. I flew like the wind. I learned how to ride fast and I felt fantastic. It was a totally rush and to this day, I smile (and sing to myself) when I race.

      The power meter is my baby. I love it more than anything and I would never want to ride without it. This is how I learned to ride. I focus. I lock in. There are times now when I don’t even have to look at it because I know where my power is just by how I feel. I know this because I’ve learned how to ride. I love this. I love that I can tune in to my body that keenly and know my own power.

      How does it feel to want?

      It feels exhilarating. It feels exciting. It gives me something to work for. I have felt the difference of riding on a slower bike with slower wheels and I can tell you for certain there is a difference. When it came Rob’s turn for a tri bike I encouraged him to get all of the bells and whistles. He didn’t have to “earn” them by being fast or worthy. I just told him he was worth it and he let me convince him to buy this for himself. I have to admit I begrudged him a bit because it was easy for him to give himself this gift and for me I truly had to prove my worth. It’s an interesting thing … but I digress.

      To put this expensive sport into context I have to share that we have a garage that needs replacing. A driveway that needs repair and a car that is hanging on by it’s last leg. But I’m okay with that. Those things are just, well, things. They sit outside of my home and don’t bother me much. These things also do not give me joy. They do not give me a sense of power or inner strength. Perhaps they would give me peace of mind (Because I really do hate that garage and my car is a bit embarrassing! But not enough for me to truly care.) but wanting those things doesn’t give me the same joy and satisfaction as a bike does.

      As a family we’ve decided to spend our money on our sport when appropriate, and sacrifice some things getting a tune-up or replaced because of it. I also think that wanting this bike is not taking away anything from my family — I’m not choosing to forgo health care or braces or college tuition, for example, because of a selfish need I may have. That, I think, would be quite different.

      As parents we can often give our children things that we would not consider giving ourselves. This is both good and bad. We should care for our children. We want to care for our children. But we also have to model caring for ourselves. We count too. They need to see that.

      I spend hours and miles and so much damn energy on that bike. Why wouldn’t I celebrate that? I’m worth that. I would want that for anyone I love. Anyone who worked as hard as I do. So wanting feels powerful. It feels good to think I can hope for this for myself. I feel good even considering that I/we might make sacrifices and choices to buy this for me.

      Will I buy it anytime soon? I’m not sure. It’s a sacrifice for sure. Right now we are dealing with bigger issues — Rob’s health being one of them. But I’ll hold on to this want and wonder if I’ll have it some day. What it might look like to get it. What it might feel like to ride it. Will I be faster on it? I’m not sure. I like to think so. And maybe it won’t even matter. Maybe what will matter the most was that I wanted it and I decided I was worth the investment.

      I think I just wrote you a novel, Don. I wish we were out on a run and we could talk about this for hours. I’d love the company and the conversation. What are your thoughts? Did I answer your question?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. OH how you have me smiling and nodding and … well, even a little annoyed with you … if I’m honest. lol!

    I love my tri bike. I worked hard to get one that fits me because I’m so darn short. I have 650 wheels to boot so it’s little. It serves me well enough, but then, the seed was planted about a new tri bike. A faster, smoother, more aero bike. And now it sits there, nestled under the soil, beckoning for me to water it and feed it. To want it, if you will.

    This new bike would need newer wheels. 700s. A new power meter. A new … everything. It would just fit me, which makes me nervous, but it does fit. And it’s so fast. I road it in Florida and it was a gorgeous ride. I always assumed I wouldn’t be able to feel the difference between bikes. But I could and it was huge.

    I’m not sure if I want it though. I think I might. But I have a lot of faith in my little pink and gunmetal bike. I certainly don’t need this new bike. But what I come back to over and over again when I look at these bikes is this — if I’m working so damn hard and investing so much into this, I want to utilize and maximize all of my power. I equate the old bike to this: turning the heat up and having the windows open. I don’t want to waste the energy. Know what I mean? I want all of that power to move me forward.

    Plus I have my eye on the prize, if you will. So there’s that.

    But it is so much to grapple with. This idea of wanting and needing and also the importance of deciding, where do I choose to spend and invest my money? What is worth it? What isn’t? What’s necessary? What is not?

    I love that you wrote about this! I think about it all of the time. As you can tell … what do you think, Don?


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